The reason puns are so misunderstood is because they lack the key to any good joke: a clearly defined toolset that allows audiences to meaningfully scrutinize them with rigorous objective analysis. This changes now.

Below you will find a framework for pun evaluation. It consists of three core concepts:

• Dimensionality (D), reflecting the complexity of a pun.
• Degree (º), measuring the number of isolated components of a pun.
• Level (L), expressing the number of linguistic facets used to represent all angles of a pun.

Pun Dimensionality

It’s the night before the big game and the star pitcher is at his locker when he hears clucking coming from the equipment room. Intrigued, he walks over, turns on the light, and immediately recoils: the floor is teeming with chickens! They’ve been there all day, and equipment is completely covered in chicken poop. On the wall hangs the emblem of the opposing team. He runs to the hallway to catch the attention of a patrolling umpire. The umpire comes in, looks at the shower room, and shouts “Foul Play!!!”

– “Chickenball”, a 3-Dimensional Pun by Paul Schultz

The dimensionality of a pun is the number of meaningful interpretations, minus one. If a pun has two possible interpretations, it is a one-dimensional pun. Three interpretations? two-dimensional. TEN interpretations? That’s obviously impossible.

For example, the boring phrase “I solved the garbage problem” is a zero-dimentional (0-D) pun. That is to say it is not a pun at all. Embarrassing.

Meanwhile, the phrase “I salved the garbage problem” is a 1-D pun, because “salve” is an old way of saying “salvage!” In this case the speaker didn’t just solve the garbage problem, but they did so by wandering around collecting it for meaningful reuse. Amazing!

You could add yet another layer by saying “I salved the makeup department’s garbage problem,” which uses the whole “ointment” spin to make it a 2-D pun.

This feels rewording already.

In physics dimensionality reflects complexity, with each added dimension opening powerful new ways to navigate a concept or space. This means that physics is really just the science of…

Puns are a great way to lighten the mood.

Pun Degree

Transporting young gulls across a staid lion for immoral porpoises.

– “So this guy”, a 3rd Degree Pun by Peter Schickele

In the United States, the seriousness of certain crimes and injuries (broken bones, burns, murder, Kevin Bacon, etc.) can be measured in terms of degree. The higher the degree, the more intense the affliction.

A pun’s degree is defined as the number of individual sub-puns contained in the joke. It reflects the number of “jokes” that are being coherently strung together to form a single masterpiece. Finally a situation where quality and quantity are one and the same!

Let’s consider the following pun and see what we can do to increase its degree: “When stuck on the beach you can always eat a sandwich.” This is a delicious one degree (1º) pun because beaches have sand, but also people eat sandwiches.

We can do better by shifting the scene and adding some more descriptive text, resulting in a 2º pun: “When playing golf if you’re stuck in a bunker you can always eat a sandwich, but be careful: the bread’s crust might be coarse.”

• Pun 1: Bunkers are a type of hazard in golf, often containing ample amounts of sand.
• Pun 2: You play golf on a golf course, the texture of bread crust can be coarse.

Time to go all in by playing up the golf setting and taking a swing at a 3º pun: “When playing golf, if you’re stuck in a bunker you can always eat a sandwich, but it might be hazardous: the bread’s crust will be coarse!”

• Pun 3: bunkers are a type of golf hazard, coarse bread can be really tough on your gums, man.

Clearly this could go on forever, so why stop?

“War is hell. I remember one time when ten of us were holed up in one bunker on an abandoned country club and I decided to eat a sandwich, it was sub par because the bread’s crust was coarse; I wasn’t gunning to take another bite but my commander wouldn’t lettuce fight on an empty stomach.”

Note: the dimensionality of a compound pun is the maximum dimensionality of the individual sub puns.

Pun Level

A French company was designing the look of their product’s chat system. After days of deliberation it became obvious that there is more than one way to skin a chat.

– “Skin a Chat”, a Level 2 pun by Todd Eichel

When someone says something smart and you don’t understand them, you quietly sigh, shake your head, and say “I’m obviously not on your level.” Take the inverse of everything in the previous sentence and it becomes directly applicable to puns.

A pun’s level is the number of unique linguistic facets needed to communicate the full complexity of the pun, minus one. Calculating a pun’s level takes practice. It involves going through each facet type and determining whether or not it has been invoked.

The following facets can contribute to a pun’s level:

• Hidden structure — inserting or removing components of the sentence results in a new relevant meaning. (e.g. “that amazing gargoyle (is made of) rocks”)
• Lateral manipulations — modifying key words to form other words through the shifting / replacement of letters or sounds. This includes puns grounded in rhymes and typos. (e.g. “I don’t think it’s bare that public nudity is a crime.”)
• Portmanteaus — forming (or inventing) a new word using two or more relevant words (e.g. “geochordinates let you translate a location to music.”)
• Language modulations — invoking a relevant definition of a word in another language. (e.g. “hola at me”)
• Simple heterograph — implying two distinct words that sound the same, where both have relevant meanings. (e.g. “I can’t tell weather or not it is raining.”)
• Dual definitions — using two uniquely relevant meanings of the same word. (e.g. “that NASCAR driver really raced out of here”)
• Contextual binding — unnecessarily choosing a word based on a contextual topic or domain that has been established outside of the pun itself. (e.g. most of the times when someone says “no pun intended”)
• Slant references — artificially incorporating a common or locally known phrase (colloquialism, idiomatic, etc.) into a sentence. (e.g. “I know you hate accessories, but don’t kill the messenger bag”)

Many puns are level zero. Rightfully so.

Note: the level of a compound pun is equal to the total number of unique facets used across all of its sub puns, minus one

Additional Concepts

• Stable / Unstable Facets — although all facets can stand on their own, some are more common among higher level puns. Stable facets are more likely to exist within a Level 0 pun, while unstable facets are more likely to require another facet to form a pun.
• Imaginary Puns — imaginary puns require a change to reality itself (excluding language) in order to make sense. They are measured in distance, with distance being the smallest number of required changes. (e.g. if your coworker were to say “you must have a lot of brass to say something so bold” it would probably not be a pun. But if reality were different, and you played french horn, it would be a (1-D, 1º, L0) pun).
• Unpuns — an unpun is a phrase that feels like it should be a pun, but has no valid facets. These are also known as “Level -1 Puns.” (for example: “We all know that PUN stands for Play UN words”)
• Pun Space: a pun space is the graphical representation of parsed phrases (vertices), interconnected by linguistic facets (edges) that perform translation. Pun spaces make it possible to mathematically describe the way a pun fits into its neighboring tapestry of language.

Practical Applications / Concluding Thoughts

The Puntitled Framework is being freely offered to the world for the betterment of humanity. It is my hope that you will take these concepts and apply them for social and professional gain. As a consumer you are now able to deterministically quantify the puns you are exposed to. In the age of information overload this empowers you to make better decisions about where to get your information and who to continue to publicly associate with. Most importantly, as a pun maker you can use the structure provided by this framework to dramatically increase the quality, complexity, and impact of your puns.

Aside from these obvious personal applications, this framework has the potential to redefine most industries through the optimization and automated discovery of puns. The ideas introduced here will inject new life into the fields of social computing, natural language processing, political debate, robotics, journalism, and probably even international diplomacy.

Now go spread the word and make some puns.

“Bonus” Material

I asked people to draw puns; here they are.

Pun Exquisite Corpse (by Amanda Nedham, Kyle Hittmeier, Jeremy Merrill, Michael Coreg, Ted Han, @Vwampage, Tom Bilecki, and Ben Chartoff)

And the winning illustration:

“Make America Grate Again” by Robert Maguire

Twitter keeps asking me to give them money so that I can be popular. My brain tells me that this is an opportunity that they offer everyone — some kind of general campaign in a desperate attempt to validate the dumbest business model since Facebook’s digital bananas. I usually just hit delete and move on.

But that’s not what my heart says. Over the months their persistence impressed me, and I decided that my account must be special in their system. I must be up there with BP and Exxon. I started dreaming about the possibilities being as Twitter famous as Elvis would have been, if only for a day. My wit and pith would change the lives of everyone who could experience it.

This is why, on July 4th, 2013 I decided to define the national dialogue by promoting a tweet of my own. I learned that Twitter charges you when people interact (click, reply, retweet) with your promoted message.

I'll stop here and tell the rest of the story through the digital communication equivalent of interpretive dance:

Thing #1: there are about 150 students and 200 “other” people spread across 25 research groups, 3 floors, and 2 buildings. In other words it is possible for any given individual to completely ignore at least half of the lab. In an attempt to fight against anti-socialism, our community has a tradition called Friday Tea. A different group hosts the entire lab for an hour long hangout every Friday afternoon. This usually involves snacks such as cookies, chips, or whatever the group finds on foodcam that morning. Sometimes there are activities, but mostly there is tea.

Thing #2: my group, Information Ecology, is notorious for being completely filled with lovable trolls. This reputation is deserved, which is reflected by the fact that when we host Friday Tea we use the opportunity to run social experiments on our peers.

Experiment A: The Occupy BTea (Lab)

It was November 4th and the world was protesting all around us. Our group’s crusty old PhD, Matt Hirsch, had just sent out an announcement for the Media Lab community:

The Information Ecology group is hosting tea this afternoon in the BT lab. Come occupy space with us at 4pm.

There will be 99% value brand plain vanilla duplex cookies, and 1% cake, which will be taken by the guest with the most expensive lobbyists.

The cake is not a lie.

Matt had taken the lead on this week’s ML Tea, and instead of doing something normal like buying a bunch of delicious cookies, chips, and popcorn, he picked up some off brand vanilla Oreos (the kind that sucks all the moisture out of your mouth) and a single, tiny, personal-sized cake.

Only a few people would be able to eat something they enjoyed; everyone else would have to subsist on the horrible cookies. Since I unfortunately couldn’t attend, I asked Matt for some reflections. Below are a few of his insightful comments about the experience:

Q: What inspired the occupy tea?
A: I think it was Ron Paul who said, “let them eat cake.” As good as that sounds, we weren’t sure they deserved cake. So we bought some really cheap cookies.

Q: What do you think the result of the occupy tea says about our world?
A: It gives me hope that the cream really does rise to the top. Eventually, someone was bold enough to take the cake. She hoarded it all for herself and her friends, so the person with the best business acumen was rewarded, in tea as in life.

Q: What were the best reactions?
A: Of course, the aforementioned conquering of the cake was the most rewarding to witness. But I also took a lot of pleasure from watching the shame — real visible shame — from the cookie eaters. It was their own pitiful inaction that sealed their cake-less fate, and you could tell that they only blamed themselves. Perhaps this will serve as some sort of object lesson for them.

And so the experience was a perfect success. After some awkward confusion and pained cookie-eating someone took the cake and had a delicious feast among close friends in front of everyone.

The Occupy BTea (Lab) (Tea) took place on November 4th, 2011. A day that will live in infamy.

Experiment B: The Bubble Tea Bubble

The next semester rolled around and it was our turn to host tea again. We needed a theme. Our group loves bubble tea (sweet iced tea with tapioca pearls, also known as “Boba” in some strange places), and we wanted to share it with the lab. Unfortunately that stuff is expensive, so we couldn’t possibly buy enough for everyone. Luckily we also love puns and mischief. That stuff is cheap.

There was some email back and forth:

Me:
Hey everyone!

Turns out we’re hosting tea tomorrow, I knew that was coming up… Anyone want to do anything special? Honestly we *should* be hosting bubble tea, but that’s expensive so I assume we won’t. We could buy some actual bubbles though (as in, people would spend all of tea blowing bubbles)

Matt:
Can we host a bubble tea in the sense that everyone invests heavily in tea, driving the market to unrealistic levels, and then crashing, thus forcing all attendees to take a second mortgage on their mugs just to leave the lab space?

Me:
Yes.  We need to brainstorm on this.

Matt may not have been entirely serious in his suggestion, but it didn’t matter. The high level theme had been decided. After some deliberation we hatched a plan. That plan became official soon after with the following announcement:

Hello Media Lab and Friends,

Remember when we left the gold standard?  That was a great time to invest.  Same goes for the Internet in 1998 and 2012.

Anyway, we have some great real estate we’re trying to get rid of in the BT lab this afternoon at 4:00.  Come join everyone for Media Lab Tea in the Information Ecology space.

There will be FREE BUBBLE TEA, delicious snacks, and a wonderful activities!

Hugs, Kisses, and Bubbles,
 – Information Ecology

This looks totally legitimate!

Thus we set the groundwork for an economic bubble, creating a market based on goods whose implied value was not necessarily related to actual value

Our group’s advisor, Henry Holtzman, presented the tickets to students, staff, and faculty as they trickled in. The rules were printed on the ticket and no additional instructions were given, so people had to figure things out for themselves. “In tea as in life.”

Within minutes our lab was converted into a busy marketplace bubbling with capitalist energy. Conversations were occurring left and right, people were making trades and striking deals. Some, who either didn’t care about bubble tea or simply didn’t trust in their ability to get tickets, just gave them up for nothing. Others made demands. It didn’t take long for someone to shout out “I’ll pay $1 for a ticket!” Matt and I just lurked on the sidelines and watched in awe.

Not everyone played by the traditional rules, of course. There were threats of ticket counterfeit from students who scanned the tickets and warned us of their capacity to flood the market with fakes. One person went so far as to physically steal the tickets from Henry. All is fair on the tea market!

At 4:30 it was time to open the doors to the Information Ecology Bubble Tea Room. We invited anyone with three tickets to the entrance, and a motley crew of about 20 people filtered from the crowd. Some had partnered together, pooling their tickets and agreeing to share whatever tangible rewards might come (of course only one would be allowed in). Others had fought and scraped their way to the top, achieving the status of three-ticket-holder through blood sweat and tears.

This was the finale. The bubble was about to pop, and Matt and I needed to make sure we wouldn’t be nearby when it did. We opened the door and rushed away as the investors began to enter (Matt was on crutches at the time, but he managed to move faster than me).

Inside the room, perched on a standing table, was a lone bubble tea. This was done for effect, as there were 9 more in the refrigerator of assorted flavors and sizes. The extra stash was found almost immediately, but it quickly began to sink in that there were still limited resources. Only about half of the VIPs would see a payoff on their effort.

Nobody was shocked by the market crash — like I said, we have a reputation — but we hope that everyone learned a valuable lesson about bubble economies. I think Henry felt a little bit bad about the whole thing.

Later, in the name of closure, we emailed the Media Lab community:

Thank you all for experiencing an economic tea bubble with us. We sympathize with those who have been affected in this unforeseeable market adjustment. Due to extreme supply shortages, a threatened glut of counterfeit certificates, and ongoing physical security concerns, we cannot offer compensation for community members left with unfulfilled holdings. Additionally, the bubble tea room has been closed to further community access.

Take heart in the fact that Information Ecology is too big to fail, and in anticipation of a bail out will have its own private bubble tea outing in the near future.

God Bless.
-Information Ecology

That’s what I did.

Took a rainy day but it is done! Here’s a video of the final result:

I’m not a graphic designer, but I did my best (paralax in SMW is no fun.) Suggestions are welcome. If you want the untextured assets just let me know. Also I think I’ll want to make a few more of these, so if you have any favorite games / ideas for things that would be epic please say so in the comments!

Download the Megapaper! <-- Click to download the images as a zip file.

The Explanation

Summer is coming to a close and Hurricanes are coming into town so I decided that it was time to finally install the new version of Mac’s OSX (Lion). I don’t believe in upgrades, so this meant reformatting and installing everything fresh and new. Totally worth it trust me…

Anyway, Mac OSX had this great thing called “Spaces” which were virtual desktops on the computer. This meant that even if I had just one monitor I could pretend to have a whole bunch more — instead of having just one screen, I could have a bunch of fake screens that I could switch between using the keyboard or the touch pad. Maybe screen #1 would be for chatting, screen #2 for browsing the web, and screen #3 for actually getting things done. Moving around between these desktops was easy and made multitasking much more streamlined.

I was a screen power user, and in the old version of OSX (called Snow Leopard) I had a 4×4 grid of screens (that’s 16 separate desktops). The upper left hand corner was for to do lists and productivity organization, the right hand column was for various forms of communication, and the center four desktops were my workspace where I would program and browse the web. When I was in the middle block I could switch to up to four different desktops (up, right, left, or down) with just one keystroke.

OSX Lion put all that to an end. They replaced the old Screens with a thing called Mission Control. Mission control is cool too, and it still supports multiple screens, and you can still have up to 16, but you can’t have them in a grid anymore — they are all in a straight line. Lame! This means that from any given screen you have easy access to only TWO others (left and right).

Well, that’s the downside. The upside is now you have 16 freaking screens in a LINE! And each one can have it’s own wallpaper. This opens up the doors for… MEGAPAPERS!

NOTE: Super Mario World is a game by Nintendo. They own the IP and the TM and CR and all that jazz.

Non-nerds, read this first

For the non-techies reading this I have some explaining to do.  When you have more than one computer connected together you form something called a Local Area Network (LAN).  For instance, you have a LAN if you have more than one computer connected to the internet at home.  Computers on networks like to communicate to one another and so they have an address on the network called an IP address, which is a series of numbers (e.g. 192.168.1.100).

If you know the IP of a computer, you can send messages to it.  The problem is that normal people won’t remember all those numbers, and most of the time those numbers actually change when you turn the computers on and off.  For these reasons, most Operating Systems let you name your computers and they do the translation for you.  This probably happened the first time you turned it on and it asked for a name.

For average users the name will be something like “Living Room PC” or “Dad’s Laptop.”  The more tech savvy tend to enjoy goofing around with these names; for instance my friend Julia named one computer “Red” and the other one “Rum.”  Once you get more than a few computers, though, you naturally move toward a theme for your network.  This makes computers more fun, like collections, and gives the buckets of bits and bolts a touch of personal flair.

Here are some examples: you might use the planets in the solar system (I would never do this; who wants to have to wait for the discovery of new planets to buy your 9th computer?), or famous scientists or sports players.  Or Pokemon!  Or musicians.

For most people it stops there, but I recently realized that you can do oh so much better.  Your network names can be truly meaningful.  For instance, name your computers based on elements on the periodic table.  Mobile computers are given gas names and desktops are heavy metals.  Maybe the number of electron clouds reflects the number of processor cores!  Creativity is key

Long story short, some metaphors are better than others, and, quite frankly, I have found the best one.  My theme is StarCraft; an incredibly popular strategy game which has every single feature you could want in a network naming convention.   The game features 3 different races and about 70 units with a variety of shape, size, and function.  Well look at THAT!  It turns out there are 3 main flavor of operating system, and I plan on owning about 70 computers with a variety of shape, size, and function.

Back to the point

My network is named based on StarCraft/StarCraft2. The name of the unit should reflect the power, size, and special abilities of the hardware. To some extent this is an art, however there are a few set rules which must be followed.

Rule 1: Flying vs Ground

Starcraft units, in general, can either fly, or they are stuck on the ground.

Computers, in general, are either mobile (laptops), or they are stuck on the ground.

Summary:

• Laptops and other wireless devices are flying units.
• Boxes that are not inherently mobile are ground units.

Rule 2: Race

Starcraft has three main races: Zerg, Protoss, and Terran.  Zerg are the icky gooey alien race (think “Alien” alien); Protoss are the super intelligent shiny sleek technological aliens (think ET);  And Terran are the more traditional space age humans.

Computers have three main operating systems: Unix, OSX, and Windows;  Unix is the icky, gooey nerd computer (think “command lines”);  OSX (Mac) is the super pretentious shiny sleak technological computer (think Unibody Macbook); And Windows is the more traditional normal day human computer.

Starcraft also has other kinds of creatures in the universe.  Loveable animals called critters which mindlessly roam around, and mostly unknown super beings called the Xel’Naga.

Computers also have other kinds of operating systems in the universe.  Random things like the Wii which are based on who knows what, and the mostly unknown Google OS called Crome OS.

Summary:

• Unix / Linux varieties is Zerg
• Windows is Terran
• Mac is Protoss
• ChromeOS is Xel’Naga
• Other is Critter

Rule 3: Non-computers

The real world has tech that aren’t computers, and Starcraft has things that aren’t units (buildings are another type of object in StarCraft.).  Anything that doesn’t have an Operating System like Windows or Unix but can still have a network name (e.g. a shared computer peripheral like a printer or disc drive) or is a piece of tech that you want to be able to easily reference in casual conversation should have a building name. Ideally the building would be a non-unit producing structure (buildings are what make the units in Starcraft), unless of course the hardware in question is something that is used directly to produce computers.

Examples from my network

• Zergling – A tiny little zerg unit that runs around all the time || A tiny little  Ubuntu box that runs all the time
• Overlord – a zerg unit that isn’t used in combat but instead floats around and feeds other units || A unix based Network Attached Storage (NAS) that isn’t often used directly but instead hosts data and media for the other computers.
• Goliath – A pretty standard terran “mech” unit which isn’t insanely powerful, but packs a reasonable punch || A pretty standard Windows PC which isn’t insanely powerful, but packs a reasonable punch
• Thor – A big-ass giant warrior zoid type of suit thing (think transformer style) || A big-ass giant computer case (although currently in hibernation)
• Viking – Terran unit that replaced the goliath in StarCraft2; it can transform from flying to being on the ground || Erek’s Windows desktop (same build as my Goliath desktop) but it also has a wireless card!
• Wraith – !%*#ty flying Terran unit || Erek’s !%*#ty laptop
• Dark Templar – Stealth Protoss ground unit, it is invisible to the naked eye || Stealth Apple mac mini, it is invisible to the naked eye
• Corsair – Sleak and thin air unit for Protoss || Sleak and thin Macbook Air 11″
• Scout – Standard Protoss air unit || Macbook 13″ — pretty standard Apple laptop
• Interceptor – a tiny Protoss air unit that gets launched from a bigger “Carrier” ship || a tiny iPod Touch which you plug into bigger computers
• Kakaru – A flying critter || A Wii with wireless connection
• Spore Colony – A zerg building that spews out spores || A printer plugged into the NAS that spews out paper and ink.
• Pylon – The protoss building which provides energy to other protoss buildings || An Uninterruptible Power Supply (UPS) which provides energy to all my computers.

Feel free to adopt this naming convention. If you have a perfect fit on your network post the name here!

Amazing Opportunities

The nice thing about this convention is it makes you want to buy / build technology just to have the perfect fit for a unit.

For instance:

• Apple AirPort named Carrier
• Macbook Pro 19″ (doesn’t exist… YET) named Mothership
• A partitioned box with unix and windows. Windows OS named Marine, Unix OS named Infested Marine
• A unix box dedicated to masterminding trojan attacks called Infestor
• USB based unix install named Larva
• Two apple computers called High Templar 1 and High Templar 2 which can combine to form an Archon.

The potentials are limitless!

To give you an idea of how great StarCraft is – it is a national sport in South Korea. Television stations are dedicated to broadcasting games between professional players on a 24/7 cycle.  Think chess but the board is digital terrain, the pieces are infantry, and instead of taking turns everyone moves their pieces at once.

You might ask “why are you talking about StarCraft in a post about pumpkins?“ Well there is a good answer.  The answer is that Blizzard, the company that created StarCraft, has an annual pumpkin carving competition.  This year I decided to give it a shot (spoiler alert: I didn’t win).

The beginning of the journey

I’m not crafty and I don’t have any skill when it comes to slicing gords, but I have advantage.  You see, I have access to thousands of dollars of equipment!  In particular I have access to a laser cutter.  A laser cutter is exactly what it sounds like – a machine that uses LASERS to cut things.  The lasers are attached to the heads of sharks.

I wanted to try this novel technique but assumed that the folks who run the shop wouldn’t be thrilled with the idea of putting pumpkins in their expensive equipment so I let the idea die.  A week later my friend (and fellow Info Eco member) Matt Hirsch found a picture of a pumpkin carved into the death star online and declared his own interest in cutting pumpkins with the laser cutter.  This tipped the scales.

I rushed out and bought a test pumpkin.

Understanding Laser Cutters

Laser cutters cut on two axes.  This means they can make cuts in two dimensions.  Think of an ink jet printer only instead of putting ink on spot they burn away the material there.  The laser is attached to a head, which can move forward, backward, left and right.  You put the material underneath it, focus the laser, and let it work magic.

Laser cutters are great at cutting shapes out of flat things like cardboard, or sheets of wood, or acrylic. They aren’t so great at cutting shapes in pumpkins.  `Luckily our shop has a device that converts round things into flat things – it turns the laser cutter into a laser lathe.  Instead of having the laser move forward and backward, the laser only moves left and right, and this device spins whatever it is you want to cut.

The cuts themselves are designed digitally as a drawing.  You just “print” the picture you want, and the laser will burn away the material to match the image you printed.  Of course there’s a bit more to it than that.  Vector (i.e. line drawing) images are used to make lines.  Raster (i.e. solid shapes) images are used to burn away large areas of material.  Vector is far faster than raster, but raster is needed for certain kinds of effects.

Science!

After gutting my test pumpkin it was time to give the cutting a shot.  I didn’t know what settings would work – I wanted to be able to cut through the pumpkin in certain spots, but I also needed to be able to make shallow cuts, since the most fancy pumpkins tend to have different depth cuts in them to create different shades of orange.

Cutting through was a breeze, but required very slow settings.  The big issue was that because the pumpkin isn’t a cylinder it curves down on the sides.  This means that the surface is further away from the laser and so the laser loses focus and intensity as it moves further away from the center (i.e. lines that are closer to the sides are wider and shallower).

It was also clear that the bottleneck to this whole process would be pumpkin size.  The lathe attachment can’t hold objects that were wider than about 7 inches, so I would only be able to cut shapes on tiny pumpkins.  Blast!

Design #1: Tassadar

Since StarCraft has a fan base, there is a lot of artwork out there.  I just had to pick one I thought would look good on a pumpkin, and convert the image to a format that a laser cutter would understand.

I wanted to try making a pumpkin with four layers.  The first layer wouldn’t be cut at all (darkest), the second and third would be different depths of raster art, and the fourth would be cut all the way through (lightest).  I used Adobe Illustrator to “trace” the image I had selected.  This process converts a full-fledged image into a much simpler one; in my case the new image had only four colors.

The original artwork.

It looks good, but it is very... very badly burnt

It's all lit up, oh boy!

Design #2: Tychus

I was impressed with the amount of precision you could get with this technique, but the small size of the pumpkin meant that I was limited in the amount of detail I could accurately display.  I wanted to try again with something a little less involved – the face of Tychus Findlay, one of the main characters in StarCraft 2 and also the image that announced the release of the game several years ago (Blizzard had promised never to make a sequel, so this announcement image is iconic).

This one was amazing, but only when you looked at it correctly.  Check out the black and white one at the bottom.

Halloween It's About Time...

In conclusion, my camera isn’t very good, the pumpkins were too small, and I didn’t have enough time to create original artwork that worked well for this project.  As a result, I didn’t even get an honorable mention!  I don’t mind, though, because now I know how to make awesome pumpkin carvings for next year!

Once a month something special happens — a “woot off.”  During a woot off, instead of selling one thing until it sells out, they put up a new item after the last one goes.  This keeps things fresh and exciting!  The real excitement, however, comes from the mythical “Bag of Crap” (BoC for short).  This thing costs $3 (+$5 shipping), and it is literally a bunch of random stuff from their warehouse that they decide to put in a box.  It might be a dozen plastic army men, it might be a broken, returned GPS, or it might be 8 ipods and a flat screen TV.  You don’t know!

Needless to say, it is nearly impossible to get one.  You don’t know when it will appear, and the servers die almost instantly when it does because every single person clicks the “buy” button at once.  But I did it.  I got one, and it arrived this morning.

Don’t believe me? Here is the box…

Isn't it pretty?

And the contents…

For those without eagle eyes, the contents are as follows:

• ONE (1) official “Disney my*style” Mix and Pix accessory case.
• THREE (3) 2010 “Would you Rather” desktop calendars
• ONE (1) Woot! branded flying screaming monkey

and (this is the big one)…

• TWO (2) gigantic High School Musical alarm clocks WITH fuzzy pink handles.  They each require 2 “AA” batteries (not included)

It is perfect!  This is everything I expected to be in a bag of crap, and more!